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Oh so you can play guitar? You’re a faggot.

We live in a generation where it is way more impressive to see someone ‘rock out’ on a plastic guitar,drum set, and turntables. Gone are the days where you’re considered cool if you played electric guitar or some sort of instrument, nowadays its cooler if you can achieve a 500 note streak on extreme mode. The Guitar Hero/Rockband and now DJ hero franchise is mind numbingly fun and addictive to play. It has become such a massive influence in social behaviour, that just by purchasing the video game (with all the controllers) can get you more friends, and even get you laid.

This can be you. Sexy beast.

Spend a couple a weeks parked on your couch, tapping away at the red,green,blue and yellow buttons, and in matter of a time, you can become a rock god – “A Guitar Hero”. Doing Massive knee slides across your living room floor when you activate ‘Star power’, and attempting a leap of fate off your couch while you hit that epic solo.

The greatest selling point with these instrument simulation games, is time efficiency. It plays on the fact that every average human being as child and teenager, always dreamt to be musically gifted, however due to genetic discrimination, we are imposed with our drab, dull and average lives. Apart from those ‘gifted’ individuals who rock out crowded shows, fuck supermodels, and score free booze and drugs, We, the general (average and boring) population, are stuck in reality where we have to meet deadlines and achieve ‘goals’. So then, who has the time and effort to learn an instrument to a level of mastery? That’s where [insert instrument] hero comes in.

You play real guitar? FAG!

So in the comfort of your home and couch, and with a minimal amount of time and effort, You become Slash, perform with Radiohead, or mix like Daft Punk. Your dreams of Mega stardom is superficially fulfilled, and the feeling of being good at something, and of achievement, is awkwardly felt.

So what if its made from plastic, and doesn’t actually omit actual music.

If It resembles an instrument, and if it makes you look like you can play it well, then it is real. Keep rocking.

Southpark Guitar Queer-O episode 14 season 11 @ http://www.allsp.com

Watch it!

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About Ariff Azmi

Founder of shriekingmonkeys - My interests span from quirky culture to anything that dares to amuse my highly-desensitized nature.

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