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So you think you CAN lie?

The individuals in this world rely too much on what they have and too shy or ashamed to admit what they do not have. If you’re the type person who tries to think their way through about a lie, you’re a common person. Trust me, everyone tries to be that. It’s either that, or you’re just this liar who lies based on emotions. There are two types of liars I can positively say;

One being a liar who focus on their words, situations and what would be wise to say based on how a character would rather believe it. They think only HOW to make this person or target, to believe every word. This falls into the category of Artistic liars. Do not be fooled by the category, it’s still not a compliment.

Two, being one individual who chooses to lie ignorantly, only wanting the listener to think of an individual as a cool, badass or a god to some level. This is because they don’t care about their choices of words or tone of voice, they only speak with their heart which generally results into almost ANYONE, seeing you coming from a hundred miles away. This category however, are Autistic Liars! Do not take the word autistic wrongly as I am not making fun of any disability of  a human being. I just fairly believe that people who suffers from autism should be called people seeing that they are genuinely honest people. However people who lies in an obvious manner without thinking with some unnatural sense of stupidity, are more deserving to be called autistic.

Autistic liars

These two common attributes as a liar. A common lie generally starts from not wanting to look like you know nothing, here is a very bad example;

Aizat : Hey dude, have you heard of this book called ‘A Step away from heaven? (Not real book)

Amir: Yes, of course. erm, its by that writer.. ah I forgot his name. ( all lies)

Aizat: Smirnoff Robert (not an actual person)

Amir: Yup that’s the one (another lie)

Bare in mind, this example may seem very futile however there is no companion of tone of voice to make it sound credible.

Tip: You could wait for him to guess and not help him with the name at all. Just let him guess. In fact, tell him/her that you know who it is but you just want to see if they know.

However

EVERY MOTHER FUCKER does this, or at least they have done this before. It’s a basic lie in preventing that you don’t want to sound like you don’t know anything and wanting to sound smart. Well guess what, everyone does it because we’re egoistic cunts!

However, if you’re aware of your actions, you’re one step closer in becoming a completely honest person. The best part is, if you’re aware of yourself doing it, you’re aware when others do it. You just recognized the pattern oh so well.

An emotional compulsive liar, usually doesn’t get far. They think its believable to others mostly because people choose to just keep quiet about it and just listen. Of course me, I do admit, I had my horrible compulsive liar days but after learning the fine master art in honesty and being humble in what you know, you’re in another top of a game to piss people off.

Please remind yourself, if you think you’re easily conquered emotionally such as updating facebook status and put your angry bad ass scolding statements for a desperate cover up of your wrong doings OR even if you cannot accept mistakes of your own because you trust your judgement of character and no one elses,  you’re bound to be a horrible liar. People can see right through you. Its a whole different level of Self-righteous people, its an extreme one. Personally, its easy to read them, its better to press their buttons due to obvious surface.

Why do you think it wasn’t fun for me anymore? I think its called growing up

Artistic liars

The dangerous part among the smart compulsive liars, is the art of it. The art is simple, jumble up your lies with some actual truth. Here is another bad example:

Amir: Hey dude, do you have some ciggies left?

Ariff: I do but I actually have 2 left man and I’d like to have it all. (The truth is that there are ciggies, but there’s actually 6 and you want them all to yourself)

In a way, this will result the person who asks, to not check and therefore believes this lie.

Among the best lies, are basically mixing with logical well research knowledge, with the lie

A clearly bad example:

A story about how you went clubbing last night and probably boned a chick.

Now to make this true, the premise of the story is there, but how you tell it has to be logical, some sense of reject and shame towards you only implies that “someone who shares a mistake has a sense of humour about themselves”

“Dude, last night was so embarrassing man, I got rejected by this chick who looks horribly pretty but she turned me down, however her friend, well she was quite hot and she was a little noisy in her personality, but what the hell I was drunk man, and I’m sure she was too so we kinda made out and we went over her place and did stuff. I mean she had to be drunk anyways cause we woke up hours later and we kinda felt awkward and fuck it was bad”

That CAN be potentially fall into a beautiful lie especially if this never happened. But in those words and proper tone of voice, anyone could pull that off. Yes, ANYONE.

Some people, would go to an extend of MAKING the lie true. In fact, prime example was my Korean Fencing Coach. He wanted to skip a meeting among the Malaysian Korean Sports association due to personal reasons telling that he will be heading to Johor Baru to check on some available lands. The only lie about that sentence, is that he never planned to go, but the available land at Johor are true. So by making sure that the lie stays intact, he buys himself  a bus ticket to Johor eventually so thus, making the lie, a complete truth.

Corrupted liars

Ignorant bad liars, usually rely on their own imaginative world. What they strictly irrationally believe, is what you will hear. Sometimes you would hear a man saying that he knows a big time drug dealer who is not afraid of smoking grass in public in front of cops in Malaysia, and his name is Mouse, Curly or Evo Yes I have heard them all. He/she claims that [Insert name here]  is his/her good friend, of course when you ask him what is their real name, they just simple say that they have no clue of their good friends name and says how nicknames are often the ones you remember. Tsk.

Desperate Liars

Liars never know when to back down. They swear either in gods name when people truly do not believe them even when its obvious that the lie is already floating on water. This is when they’re desperate. God must be proud of us.

“God must LOVE stupid people, he made so many”

The most common of liars getting caught, are usually the ones who lie to get sympathy. Its the whole I have been beaten up, I have been bullied till I bled and yes, some even crossed the point where they say they have cancer. These are also common liars and I will forgive you if you behave that way when you’re still in high school, but not when you’re in your late 20’s up to the age when you’re a parent of 5 children.

Of course there are people who desperately cover their tracks by maybe TRYING TOO HARD to convince good friends or even NOT closest friends via status updates, bitching without giving that person a chance to speak and listen to their opinions. Its true, its not always a lie. It could however either be you’re lying desperately OR you’re just emotionally unstable which is another different topic to talk about.

Tip: Always think of your sentence and logic without any religious or spiritual guidance to lie. It never works. As I said before, lying with emotions never works.

Sometimes, the most random and unthinkable made up event could suffice. Example: I came back home very late once, way past the time my parents wanted me home which was 3. I came back around 5 instead and I was preparing what sort of excuse to make my mother believe me. I took off my boxers and pour water all over it and went home facing my mom. Before she could even say anything, all I said was I shat in my pants and I was washing this thoroughly to kill the smell.

She believed me fully and excused me. Ooo Rah!

Honesty, the best and horrifying weapon of all

I am not encouraging liars to learn how to lie. Please do bare in mind, if you lie too much and when you get caught, Yes, WHEN you get caught. People will always remember, if you are able to lie to a good friend, she/he could always lie to you as a best friend as well. Yes, we all lie to our parents about many things and it usually starts from there. You start off by coming up with a believable lie with them, and slowly you start putting it on your own friends who would run in a burning building for you. Do not get addicted to it, or else you’ll just be one of those typical compulsive lying uncles/aunties in the late future and create stories for reputation sake, slowly building lies to cover up another lie, and it goes completely out of control. No one can be a Mr Ripley, and if can, you had better not have any friends.

Never once think that you can make a living tool for the rest of your life lying, you will waste a great fortune of living itself.

Why I say honesty is the best answer? Because you’re one of a kind walking on earth if you are able to say that you genuinely do not understand or have no knowledge of what a person is talking about, that shows you want to learn about it and by asking that, you can always argue or debate to win another day. Honesty can make you patient as well, trust me. It makes you humble. You know when elder people look down on you based on seniority? Don’t be pissed off and bullshit your way through just to win an argument with them. They can see it from a mile away and the more they will label you as a typical rebellious kid. In fact, take pleasure in knowing that it angers you. It proves their point. We do not want to be typical. We want to be remembered! We want them to feel threatened of our sincerity in our honest opinions and able to say a respond with no sarcasm, smart ass remarks or even lies to just win an argument.

We want them to fear the feel of envious to a much younger person than they are.

“If you’re a compulsive liar at the age of 20, its normal. But if you’re still a compulsive liar when you’re 50, its a shameful breed of human beings”

Take advantage of that! That is how you can beat the system.

So it comes back to the main topic, so you think you can lie?

Read between the lines.

Read between the lines

This is a message to you compulsive liars, liars and retired liars. Especially the ones who think they never got caught. Trust me, you’re probably listed as a liar already. People are just nice enough to not say shit to shame you.

Lying is like shooting a gun. You always think once you have the gun, you can shoot them. They are thinking the exact same things about you. If you can catch others to lie, they are probably doing the same shit to you.

Obviously you could or should not feel that a hairy tailed living creature as myself doesn’t lie anymore. That would be a lie. Its only human anyways, but just a view of how a human mind could stretch in some extreme just like religion and political views.

Lets not create varieties of colourful lies. A white lie could already paint the colour of chaos.

Hope to never get caught - possible true meaning

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