Submarine’s are cool.
They’re the underwater killer’s of the oceans, destroying freighter ships, giant octopi, and make great plots for B-grade movies (think U-571). You would imagine a degrading, expired submarine to be either smelted to be scrap metal for a Japanese car, or displayed respectably in a Maritime museum. However, shriekingmonkeys found one sitting pointlessly in the middle of rural Australia, looking pathetically majestic in its expired prime:
Holbrook is known intamately as the “Submarine Town” because that is the only significant object to define such a sleepy, rural village. Other than the penis shaped metal can, you can find a pub, a deli, and a petrol station. I understand that the placement of the submarine creates certain curiosity for passing tourists, and an attraction to bring tourism to the sleepy town, and develop exorbitant revenue at the local ‘Submarine cafe’ with its crap overpriced coffee.
If you’re still reading this, I bet your wondering: Why is there a Submarine in a rural town 400km from the nearest coastline? What’s the history with the submarine? And Why are you taking such a negative opinion ariffjunior?
Firstly, I don’t know and I don’t care.
Secondly, Skip the journalistic instinct – I don’t know and I don’t care.
Thirdly, It’s because heading up to Sydney I fell asleep in the car for the journey up. When I woke up, I was excitedly told by my friend that I missed an amazing sight.
“Fuck man, there was a fucking submarine in the town that we passed by, You fucking missed out brah!” exclaimed Joboz.
“Really, how big was the motherfucker?” I enquired.
“Shit meng, I swear it was bigger than Bigfoots dick!” He said.
“That’s massive, are you sure dude?” I asked.
“Postively sure man” claimed Joboz.
So on the way back towards Melbourne, we were forced to pass through the town. And you know the feeling when something doesn’t really meet up to your expectations? Mix that emotion with half a can of redbull, 4 hours of driving nonstop, and a massive ulcer in your mouth.
Maybe I should beg to differ and really sit back and read through the history of this magnificent object. Why it is in Holbrook, and write about the probable vast history and tales hidden behind this gem of a tourist attraction.
But I won’t. Fuck it.
I’d like to change my nutgraph:
Submarines are cool – Unless they’re in Holbrook.