Feeling Fresh..like Fres Oren

Vitamin C. It all its diabetic, sugary goodness.

I’ve just finished most of my ‘real’ work and a much needed break is needed. Struggling through the tundra like conditions in Melbourne is almost intolerable, and all I can imagine is the grease producing humidity back in Malaysia.

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A Play in Bed

    Hello beautiful Dancer of the Night
    They are flowers laying their brighter wings
    A Beautiful Silence comes when their mouths lay
    He slides down whispering to her tunnel of voice
    She breathes heavily listening to what he touches
    With eyes closed only laughter is among their rescue
    His adventurous hands is used as a comb
    His curious hands is used for her beautiful support
    She walks her fingers to his chamber lair
    His mouth touches her sun and her mountains
    She reveals a dancing smile while gripping his pride
    Her mountains are often left with compliments
    His ambitious mission is to build her heat
    Their lips are often soft and often approached
    Writing and acting in their own world
    They begin to dance very playfully
    With giggles and smiles like a musical play
    Her mouths both speak of heavily breathing
    He gently pushes for her silent praise
    She strums him like a beautiful guitar
    He writes on her little sisters a poem
    She writes inspiration on his tower
    He sings loudly and gently in her safe
    These flowers laugh and tickle one another
    He whispers “Hello my Beautiful Dancer”

Kuta Cowboys

"Hello Beautiful Girl. You want me?"

The life of the beach bum is one that I find quite envious. Lazing around on the soft sand, basking in the warm allure of the seaside sunshine, and having no care of the troubles of the world. I’m especially jealous of the beach boys that hang around in Kuta beach, Bali.

Bali is an escapade for tourists in search for white sandy beaches, warm equatorial weather, and for some great scenic attractions and partying spots. For some, Bali is destination for love. At most times, unattached, forgettable, and with a taste of guilt left in the morning.

At Kuta beach you’ll find the ‘Kuta Cowboys’. Groups of tanned, sandy haired, toned bodied, local pretty boys; who are seen strumming away at their acoustic guitars and on the prowl for lonely western women who want a ‘good time’.  Their cheeky allure found by their infallible pick lines such as, “Hey, hey, you. Beautiful. I Luup you,’ seems to work with these frustrated middle aged western women.

They’ve earned a reputation of being gigolos on the beach. Searching for ladies unlucky in love, and in need for some comfort and a ‘release’. Their cause may be seen in positive light, bringing excitement to the experience of Bali, however, they’ve gotten some bad rep from local authorities who want to shut this ‘prostitution’ ring down.


In an attempt to put a stop to the prostitution and gold-digging, police officials immediately launched a raid on Bali’s beaches, resulting in a net arrest of 28 suspected beach gigolos. Many people have since lashed out against the government-directed raids.

Singaporean director Amit Virmani recently released a documentary entitled ‘Kuta cowboys’ (or ‘Cowboys in Paradise’), in which he documented these relationships for the public to see. The film’s release was met with a torrent of fury from tourism and government officials alike.

Here’s a preview:

With those Prices, You Should Really Quit (But you’re not gonna)

Expensive Drug.

The Sin tax.

For a smoker it is seen as a harsh punishment of the reality we have put ourselves under. A punishment tormenting the time we first lit up, either from trying to look cool when we were teenager’s, or discovering the habit through a stressful situation, or even from instances of peer pressure. The rise of cigarette prices have enraged, shocked, and most probably caused more people to light up in stress with the absurdity of the prices.

The Australian government has kept smokers trapped with an ultimatum: Pay more or Quit

Quitting is hard, much too hard for many smokers. Many just can’t be bothered to rise up to the challenge. The health benefits are obviously a massive reason to quit, but to exterminate a ‘companion’ that keeps you calm and confident when trying to achieve the other challenges in your life, is too much of a sacrifice.

The strongly addicted must succumb to the punishment of being seen as a dirty, unhealthy smoker and now has to pay a hefty price tag for his forced lifestyle choice. Surely the economic burden is another strong incentive? But no, ignorance is too blissful, money can be made, and life is too hard and docile to experience it for too long.

Mind you this is not a article to suggest my fellow smokers to Quit.  I would be a hypocrite to say so. You and I know it is actually within our own choice and mental strength to kick the habit.

I have been motivated to buy loose tobacco. It is the economically way of smoking these days. I trade the accessibility of packet cigarettes to rolling my own. Thinking about the situation now, I find strings of frustration. Somewhat, ironically in a positive manner.

I am frustrated that I can’t roll a proper cigarette,

I am frustrated that I have to succumb to buying loose tobacco,

I am frustrated because of the prices,

I am frustrated that I am a Smoker.

“Fuck. I need a Cigarette.”

Grammar Police in China on Bad Engrish

It tastes like money.

The task of translation is never an easy task in any language. Processing a sentence from English to French is not easily done by translating the basis of the words in the sentence. You have to take in account tenses, grammar, use of adjectives, and colloquialisms.

Translating Chinese to English takes another complex twist. Firstly, one is written in chinese characters, the other, in Roman alphabetics. To go through the arduous task of flipping through hardcopy dictionaries and thesaurus’s is not an efficient use of time in encrypting the complexities of the English language.

In China, the easiest way to translate English is to invest in a small pocket dictionary/translator that looks like a mini laptop which easily does the work for you. However, these machines sometimes fall short of giving the an accurate translation or severely mistranslates the whole sentence, which, is severely and most times humorously found with the signage around China:



Tasty tasty political ideology

It seems that Chinese officials are fed up being caught red faced with their country’s farce being lost in translation and have gone on a field day on correcting these signs.

Excerpt From the International Herald Tribune

The campaign is partly modeled on Beijing’s herculean effort to clean up English signage for the 2008 Summer Olympics, which led to the replacement of 400,000 street signs, 1,300 restaurant menus and such exemplars of impropriety as the Dongda Anus Hospital — now known as the Dongda Proctology Hospital. Gone, too, is Racist Park, a cultural attraction that has since been rechristened Minorities Park.

“The purpose of signage is to be useful, not to be amusing,” said Zhao Huimin, the former Chinese ambassador to the United States who, as director general of the capital’s Foreign Affairs Office, has been leading the fight for linguistic standardization and sobriety.

However, amusing is often a sight rarely seen in the urban environment. The unofficial landscaping work of street art, buskers, and the occasional hysteric bum add to the vibrant atmosphere of a city. Why not leave the signs as a tourist attraction? It could give the country a much needed softer image of its power hungry, communist dictated state, to a little hilarity that foreigners can laugh about. A suggestion for the campaign:


Obama the Comedian

American President Obama sharing a light moment at the White house Correspondents Dinner with the press and members of the media.

The White House Correspondents’ Association (WHCA) is an organization of journalists who cover the White House and the President of the United States. It was founded in 1914, and the Correspondents dinner is held annually to honour the contributions of free media and the contributions of journalists in its importance of expressing democracy.

President Obama spread its jokes across the common talking points and issues found in America today, leaving no one aside, poking fun at his political colleagues, the integrity of American media, his political career, and even Jersey Shore.

The Correspondents dinner has always similarly been a light and humorous affair, taking the weight of critical issues facing America through comedy. However, taking a joke can go too far, and the dinner is far from controversy, when in 2006 Stephen Colbert took hosting the event and let his two cents off at former President George Bush:

Skank Pants

With shows like Jersey Shore and the musicians with likes of Ke$ha being idolised, the idea of dressing like a tramp has become a popular idea. If you are a female in a Western democratic country, showing of your thong underwear explicitly triumphs your self-confidence, and your loose sexuality.

Japanese designers Sanna’s Brazilian Fashion have designed such fashion that accentuates such a floozy image that can transform any respectable woman to one that probably has a butterfly tramp stamp tattoo.

Very Tasteful

Described on as ‘sexy’ and ‘stylish’ these pants are available to buy online through their website for AU$80. Sandra Tanimura, designer at Sanna describes their inpiration of these unique jeans:

“We specialize in making low-rise trousers and our customers wanted them to get even lower. It was very difficult meeting these demands without the trousers falling down. I came up with the idea of using the bikini strings to let the trousers hang really low without falling”

If you feel the need to be slightly outrageous, or the need to imitate Lady Gaga, or even Snooki – You should consider buying these pants NOW. Fuck yes.

What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?

I fucking love Lamb Chops!

Feeling fucking distasteful at your creativity in the kitchen? Or feeling fucking spontaneous of what to eat for fucking dinner tonight? Get to ‘What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?‘ and let the fucking internet tell your fucking stomach what it should fucking eat for dinner. If your still don’t fucking agree, click on ‘I don’t fucking like that’ and the fucking random search modulator will find you something you will fucking like.

Give it a fucking go.

Thanks to jordanhc for the fucking link.