Kuta Cowboys

"Hello Beautiful Girl. You want me?"

The life of the beach bum is one that I find quite envious. Lazing around on the soft sand, basking in the warm allure of the seaside sunshine, and having no care of the troubles of the world. I’m especially jealous of the beach boys that hang around in Kuta beach, Bali.

Bali is an escapade for tourists in search for white sandy beaches, warm equatorial weather, and for some great scenic attractions and partying spots. For some, Bali is destination for love. At most times, unattached, forgettable, and with a taste of guilt left in the morning.

At Kuta beach you’ll find the ‘Kuta Cowboys’. Groups of tanned, sandy haired, toned bodied, local pretty boys; who are seen strumming away at their acoustic guitars and on the prowl for lonely western women who want a ‘good time’.  Their cheeky allure found by their infallible pick lines such as, “Hey, hey, you. Beautiful. I Luup you,’ seems to work with these frustrated middle aged western women.

They’ve earned a reputation of being gigolos on the beach. Searching for ladies unlucky in love, and in need for some comfort and a ‘release’. Their cause may be seen in positive light, bringing excitement to the experience of Bali, however, they’ve gotten some bad rep from local authorities who want to shut this ‘prostitution’ ring down.


In an attempt to put a stop to the prostitution and gold-digging, police officials immediately launched a raid on Bali’s beaches, resulting in a net arrest of 28 suspected beach gigolos. Many people have since lashed out against the government-directed raids.

Singaporean director Amit Virmani recently released a documentary entitled ‘Kuta cowboys’ (or ‘Cowboys in Paradise’), in which he documented these relationships for the public to see. The film’s release was met with a torrent of fury from tourism and government officials alike.

Here’s a preview:


With those Prices, You Should Really Quit (But you’re not gonna)

Expensive Drug.

The Sin tax.

For a smoker it is seen as a harsh punishment of the reality we have put ourselves under. A punishment tormenting the time we first lit up, either from trying to look cool when we were teenager’s, or discovering the habit through a stressful situation, or even from instances of peer pressure. The rise of cigarette prices have enraged, shocked, and most probably caused more people to light up in stress with the absurdity of the prices.

The Australian government has kept smokers trapped with an ultimatum: Pay more or Quit

Quitting is hard, much too hard for many smokers. Many just can’t be bothered to rise up to the challenge. The health benefits are obviously a massive reason to quit, but to exterminate a ‘companion’ that keeps you calm and confident when trying to achieve the other challenges in your life, is too much of a sacrifice.

The strongly addicted must succumb to the punishment of being seen as a dirty, unhealthy smoker and now has to pay a hefty price tag for his forced lifestyle choice. Surely the economic burden is another strong incentive? But no, ignorance is too blissful, money can be made, and life is too hard and docile to experience it for too long.

Mind you this is not a article to suggest my fellow smokers to Quit.  I would be a hypocrite to say so. You and I know it is actually within our own choice and mental strength to kick the habit.

I have been motivated to buy loose tobacco. It is the economically way of smoking these days. I trade the accessibility of packet cigarettes to rolling my own. Thinking about the situation now, I find strings of frustration. Somewhat, ironically in a positive manner.

I am frustrated that I can’t roll a proper cigarette,

I am frustrated that I have to succumb to buying loose tobacco,

I am frustrated because of the prices,

I am frustrated that I am a Smoker.

“Fuck. I need a Cigarette.”

Grammar Police in China on Bad Engrish

It tastes like money.

The task of translation is never an easy task in any language. Processing a sentence from English to French is not easily done by translating the basis of the words in the sentence. You have to take in account tenses, grammar, use of adjectives, and colloquialisms.

Translating Chinese to English takes another complex twist. Firstly, one is written in chinese characters, the other, in Roman alphabetics. To go through the arduous task of flipping through hardcopy dictionaries and thesaurus’s is not an efficient use of time in encrypting the complexities of the English language.

In China, the easiest way to translate English is to invest in a small pocket dictionary/translator that looks like a mini laptop which easily does the work for you. However, these machines sometimes fall short of giving the an accurate translation or severely mistranslates the whole sentence, which, is severely and most times humorously found with the signage around China:



Tasty tasty political ideology

It seems that Chinese officials are fed up being caught red faced with their country’s farce being lost in translation and have gone on a field day on correcting these signs.

Excerpt From the International Herald Tribune

The campaign is partly modeled on Beijing’s herculean effort to clean up English signage for the 2008 Summer Olympics, which led to the replacement of 400,000 street signs, 1,300 restaurant menus and such exemplars of impropriety as the Dongda Anus Hospital — now known as the Dongda Proctology Hospital. Gone, too, is Racist Park, a cultural attraction that has since been rechristened Minorities Park.

“The purpose of signage is to be useful, not to be amusing,” said Zhao Huimin, the former Chinese ambassador to the United States who, as director general of the capital’s Foreign Affairs Office, has been leading the fight for linguistic standardization and sobriety.

However, amusing is often a sight rarely seen in the urban environment. The unofficial landscaping work of street art, buskers, and the occasional hysteric bum add to the vibrant atmosphere of a city. Why not leave the signs as a tourist attraction? It could give the country a much needed softer image of its power hungry, communist dictated state, to a little hilarity that foreigners can laugh about. A suggestion for the campaign:


Obama the Comedian

American President Obama sharing a light moment at the White house Correspondents Dinner with the press and members of the media.

The White House Correspondents’ Association (WHCA) is an organization of journalists who cover the White House and the President of the United States. It was founded in 1914, and the Correspondents dinner is held annually to honour the contributions of free media and the contributions of journalists in its importance of expressing democracy.

President Obama spread its jokes across the common talking points and issues found in America today, leaving no one aside, poking fun at his political colleagues, the integrity of American media, his political career, and even Jersey Shore.

The Correspondents dinner has always similarly been a light and humorous affair, taking the weight of critical issues facing America through comedy. However, taking a joke can go too far, and the dinner is far from controversy, when in 2006 Stephen Colbert took hosting the event and let his two cents off at former President George Bush:

Skank Pants

With shows like Jersey Shore and the musicians with likes of Ke$ha being idolised, the idea of dressing like a tramp has become a popular idea. If you are a female in a Western democratic country, showing of your thong underwear explicitly triumphs your self-confidence, and your loose sexuality.

Japanese designers Sanna’s Brazilian Fashion have designed such fashion that accentuates such a floozy image that can transform any respectable woman to one that probably has a butterfly tramp stamp tattoo.

Very Tasteful

Described on as ‘sexy’ and ‘stylish’ these pants are available to buy online through their website for AU$80. Sandra Tanimura, designer at Sanna describes their inpiration of these unique jeans:

“We specialize in making low-rise trousers and our customers wanted them to get even lower. It was very difficult meeting these demands without the trousers falling down. I came up with the idea of using the bikini strings to let the trousers hang really low without falling”

If you feel the need to be slightly outrageous, or the need to imitate Lady Gaga, or even Snooki – You should consider buying these pants NOW. Fuck yes.

What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?

I fucking love Lamb Chops!

Feeling fucking distasteful at your creativity in the kitchen? Or feeling fucking spontaneous of what to eat for fucking dinner tonight? Get to ‘What The Fuck Should I Make For Dinner?‘ and let the fucking internet tell your fucking stomach what it should fucking eat for dinner. If your still don’t fucking agree, click on ‘I don’t fucking like that’ and the fucking random search modulator will find you something you will fucking like.

Give it a fucking go.

Thanks to jordanhc for the fucking link.

Did I write this last night?

One toasted monkey

Its Friday night.

A sudden sensation overcomes my senses. My natural emotions switches from work to play, and a feeling of boredom of staying at home is a habitual feeling.

The understanding that the world around me is rejoicing that the weekend has arrived. The weekend is a temporary period to let of some steam, from the stresses of the week that has riled up the tensions found in my aching body.

Some choose to eat out tonight, while others choose to drink their tensions away.

Around the world, there is a ritual on Friday night, the socialites and those who seek an escape from reality, hoard themselves to the various night spots to forget the stresses of the week.

In Melbourne, Those of asian ethnicity, find themselves at the various organized ‘Asian Nights’ held weekly at popular nightclubs “Eve’ and “Seven’ to socialize around with similar cultural peers.

I found myself inactive,  and needed to something to do to forget the the arduous week. I found myself at ‘Eve’ nightclub which is conveniently situated behind my apartment.

With every male human, there is a desire of a few objectives when going out on a Friday night; binge drink, enjoy commercial hip hop/ dance music, and/or the chance to meet new people, specifically women, to either, achieve their number, and hopefully get laid.

I arrived at Eve nightclub. A popular nightspot that the Asian community congregate on a Friday night. The queue is spectacularly long and the crowd are seen as a homogenous identity spread with faux Mohawk hair, and the ambition to strike lucky tonight.

The girls wear high heels to disguise their real height, and tight, short dresses to show off their legs and derrieres. Whilst the guys portray their ego with their stern facial expressions, forcing their shoulders back, to give a a larger masculine figure, in attempt to to lure attention from the opposite sex.

The dim lighting of the club did not allow for extensive examination of the physical beauty of the women in the club, but even so, it would been a lost effort to approach these creatures, as their reserved nature would leave you down trotted with failure, being ignored and eventually a lack of motivation in effort to attempt to try to pick up.

A beer in hand, and a few ABC shots digested. My confidence grew inside, charisma was glowing, and the sexual frustration was mixed with my male ego. I needed a cigarette, and proceeded to the outdoor smoking area.

I sat down on the wooden benches, beside me was a pale faced girl, with a sharp reconstructed nose, complemented by a cute face. She looked across and with an embarrassed smile.

I asked how her night was, with the slight intention of attraction, she politely answered ‘I’m OK’, leaving with an awkward shy expression, and looked away with a evident blush. She wasn’t attracted, I smiled, and enjoyed my cigarette.

As I looked around the room, I noticed that I wasn’t the only male trying to force small talk with the females in the club. Many forcing to be interesting, and trying to be worthwhile of the girl’s time.

But to find that they’ve been pushed aside because of their reserved nature, and constructed to understand to ‘not to talk to strangers’.

Those who attended in a group found an ease to talking with women. When within a known collective, people find themselves to feel comfortable, which accentuates social confidence when conversing with one another.

It seems that the Asian personality is quite reserved. Where breaking out of the ‘known‘ or familiar social sphere is a pariah idea, and that one should not trust a total stranger. Where people limit themselves of knowing new people, which has to be pre-approved by a mutual friend or by their group.

Meeting new people is a limited agenda. Unless you have stunning charisma, stunning looks, or an expansive social connection. Don’t imagine to create a connection with total strangers at an Asian night.

Asian women are to shy to play in the games of seduction, (with the exception of the locally born Australians of Asian decent.) These sort of social gameplay is as foreign as meat pies in China.

Confidence and charisma will get you everywhere. It won’t get you laid tonight. Unless you’re established within the various segregation of groups, that is. You’re silly and cheeky play of words, and attempts of a pick up line will give you five minutes of fame, however, will regress you to an awkward reaction and relegated to being ignored.

Discrimination is a Pink Train

There is a sense of naivety with the introduction of these female exclusive trains. It is understood that there is an idea of good nature to protect women from sexual harassment and the danger of pickpockets. But seriously, is this really the best solution for these issues?

From the Star

PETALING JAYA: KTM Bhd will introduce its first women-only coach for the commuter train service operating from Sentul to Port Klang today.

The railway said in a statement that the move would be implemented as statistics showed that 60% of KTM Komuter passengers were women.

It said the special coach would provide more comfort and security to women and protect them from “sexual harassment and jostling with male passengers.”

KTM said boys under the age of 12 were permitted to ride in the “women-only” coach with their female companions or relatives.

The railway said it was not mandatory for women passengers to use the coach but they were encouraged to use it.

Named “Ladies Only At All Times”, the coach is located in the middle among the three coaches of every commuter train. The coaches at the front and back are for all sexes.

A pink “women-only” coach sticker will be placed on the window, doorway and in the coach area to differentiate the coach from the rest.

Passengers at stations can identify the special coach via a pink banner at the platform and pole.

It is sexist. In an age where we are heralding equality and a changing perception of gender, this is a step back.

It is discriminatory to the male public who have to forfeit their limited time, amassed by the hectic KL lifestyle, to step aside for these exclusive pink coloured trains and wait for a mixed gender train because he lacks a vagina. The introduction of this gender discriminatory coaches undermine the perception of Malaysian men, as the world looks in and views the male population as criminal brutes and throbbing perverts.

Males not allowed in train

It is offensive to women too. That the perception that the females in the country need to be sheltered away from the masculine gaze as they are too weak to comprehend, or take action, against the ‘infatuated’ male who ‘cannot’ resist the temptations of the allure of the charms of a woman’s appearance. By introducing these trains, the status of women in the country are reduced to be seen as feeble, and helpless to resist the approaches of men.

The practicality comes as allowing woman to travel in comfort and safety. Its still a fresh idea, untested to any future occurrences to extreme and unexpected outcomes. What if sexual harassment rises on the female coaches? The concept would be left in ruin, and Malaysia, (Islamic authorities specifically) would be in stringent investigation on the hoard of lesbianism. These coaches would leave the women vulnerable, compacted in one location, if say there was an armed robbery. Have these situations been imagined or considered? It is unsound to demote these ideas as unconventional, it can happen.

As the world looks in at our Muslim majority nation, we strive to accommodate a modern, forward thinking image. But with these small occurrences, It is forgivable if a foreigner mistakes us as a Middle Eastern nation. Segregation of gender is a perception of the past, even if it is taken a ‘positive’ view, the modern world revolves around the notion of equality.